Filipino Girls and Sending Money Back Home

One thing you can count on is that Filipino girls will want to send money back to family members in the Philippines. Whenever her close relatives in the Philippines ask her for money, they will almost surely get it from her.

Filipino Girls
Photo by Haundreis

Her loved ones back home are scheming a lot of times. My wife Aileen’s brother bought a house in the Philippines for himself and his daughter, and Aileen’s family sent him several nice-sized chunks of money.  It was supposed to be for house remodeling and repair. But, years later, when we all went to visit him and his house, guess what, the house was not improved at all.

Even more to the point, Aileen’s nephew hit her up personally for $600 so he could fly to Singapore and go on a couple of job interviews.  I was pretty mad when a month later the money was gone and he started his job in Manila. He used the money so he and his wife could enjoy a vacation in Singapore!

You may get mad at her for being so foolish as to send money down a sinkhole.  The way she acts when your Filipino girl asks you - she seems naive and almost childlike. And it’s so obvious to you that it’s a scam. The way she tells you that somebody back home needs money for “school” or “medical bills” makes you laugh because you can’t believe she’s falling for those lines of bull. But believe me, she knows even better than you about the schemes.

While she lived in the Philippines, she saw her family and friends constantly hit up their family abroad for money, or she even did it herself. She acts naive and tells you their sob stories not because she believes it, but she needs to get the money sent. She has almost no choice. She has to send money. If not, her head will explode. If you tell her no way, she may say it’s OK, but it’s not. It will eat her up inside that she can’t send money. Her family, both here and abroad, will give her hell about it, too. Her sending money back to the Philippines is almost non-negotiable.  She has to do it.

So, how to deal with this? I know it may be very foreign to many American men to keep sending their hard-earned money to beggars. But if you want to keep the girl, you will compromise here and give what you can. It’s cheap compared to the quarrels and the breakup and the divorce. Be prepared. When she finally brings it up, you can be totally positive about it without any arguing, and she will love you for it.

You don’t have to send what they ask for. Try to negotiate. If they ask for $300 a month, send $100. For one, they try to highball what they need. Secondly, many native Filipinos just don’t understand or believe what the cost structure is in America. They think we make a “ton” of money, which we certainly do compared to their economy. But as we both know, everything here is way more expensive than in the Philippines; most of our paycheck goes out the door. It’s like trying to understand someone who makes ten times what you make, yet has no savings. It may seem inconceivable that someone could spend so much money.

It can actually feel good to give; the trick is to give, then let it go. Don’t worry what the money is actually used for or where it goes.  Score some karma points; give and let go. Then take your Filipino girl into the bedroom.

10 Responses to “Filipino Girls and Sending Money Back Home”

  1. Tony Says:

    The money issue and my wife’s family eventually lead to our divorce. Her family had a finer home than ours. We rented. In addition, they had no concern about us saving to purchase our own home, a new car (cars do give out after a period of time), or our son’s education. I really don’t think it is a cultural difference as much as it is selfish greed on their part.

  2. Randy Says:

    This is so true. I am a filipino born guy and I now live in Canada. My wife is a filipina, and her family always asks for money. It was big issue to us at the start of our marriage, since my wife was raised in the provinces, and I was raised in Manila, we have very different views when it comes to money and giving it away to bottomless relatives!

    Luckily, she began to understand how life is in North America, specially when we started having house mortgage, car payments etc. The first three years was a bit tough, but eventually, everything settled. It is just a matter of communication and values.

    Also, she realized that if something happened to us, financially, her good for nothing relatives won’t be able to help us anyway.

    On the other hand, she also realized that if our marriage dissolves, then both of us losses and the good for nothing relatives won’t be of any help.

    We do help those that really deserve it, but we learn to recognize signs of abuse!!! :)

  3. Roselyn Says:

    Your hardest time has yet to come. When the parents get older, they will be be asking you for assistance in hospitalization and medical expenses. It will cost as much in medicines as the U.S. The hospitalization is much lesser, but it will make a dent in your savings. You must gradually stop this nonsense of sending money. Why send money? Most Filipinas grew up in huge families for lack of birth control. They are without recognition. To get this recognition, they give money to have status in the family. You will need your money yourself in old age. Good luck to you.

  4. Alex Says:

    Same here. They always ask for money. They never get satisfied. The more they get, the more they want!

  5. Anne Says:

    I am an American who has lived in the Philippines for years & has many Filipino friends. It hurts me to see the torture they endure from their families. This creates mental duress & keeps many a hard working person in poverty. I’ve had classmates quit college to support her parents as they no longer wanted to work. Her parents were in their late 40’s but all their children had reached working age & they wanted to retire. Very sad. I cannot support this as it is of guilt & not love. I wish there was a website I could show my friends to help them.

    You get love if you give but look out for those “family values” if you do not.

  6. Anne Says:

    I say the solution for the girl is to get her into some good counseling so she feels enabled to make the decision herself. Most Filipinos I know do not want to send the money but they don’t want to lose the family or endure the abuse that comes from refusing. It won’t be just the immediate family, it will be everyone & even the neighbors will hear the gossip. I’ve heard of flyers being hung in the neighborhood with a photo & story in time for the visit so everyone would know. The girl was enraged & told she brought it upon herself.

  7. Dave Says:

    Wow. Good article. I guess now I have to rethink about my relationship with my filipine(philippine born and raised)girlfriend.

  8. Andrew Says:

    Like the others I agree. It’s a never-ending scenario. The family will always want money for some so-called disaster. Some might say that they will “pay you back”, but of course the money is never seen again. Typical tactics include verbal abuse, guilt, embarrassment, the sambat excuse, and the “it’s not much money for the foreigner”. It’s a mixture of cultural expectation (SAMBAT) and plain greed and uselessness. Unfortunately it continues generation after generation and is built into the society and thinking of the nation. Hands up for who thinks it will ever change.

  9. carl Says:

    well, i read them all. its a shame, from a people so called so great. yet they use childish means to get ahead. and to the Joes out there. it’s better you go to the whore house than her brother. coz thats were the money will be spent. i get it allll the time. so much now im rude about it. over the net in person from the taxi to the doorman. they are all like that. its the only place ive been and they are the only people i know that are like that. money!!! your money. they wont work or take a job that pays the same amount the next guy just got paid. it’s better to cheat on your wife and be a drunker than send her family money..why, coz it’s going to be over sooner or later anyway. and you havent done anything, but say no. so might as well have some fun b4 its done. other than that. you’ll send the money, her sister will give it to her lazy boyfriend thats 15yrs older. and he’ll spend it. hmmm better you buy our own crack and smoke it. at least you know why u lost your mind. i get it all the tyme from the pepole next door to the people down the street. and sayn no. why u a asshole. wow, they will tell you dont have a heart. you people from the west only think about yourself, and the rest of the world suffer. take that to pmb and see what they say. GET A *&^&#@ JOB. and no u wont drive a car as nice as mine or a car at all. but you will eat.

  10. flemming Says:

    I have the same problem, we only just have enough money for ourselves, in fact, we were in debt for a long time, yet it continued to go on, and my wifes dad doesnt get a job, even though he almost certainly could. Sure, it wouldnt be providing them luxury, but it would provide food.

    anyways, my wallet has now closed, no more, and I hope very much that my wife understands, it seems like she does, but i cant ofcourse be certain of what she is thinking.

    anyways, time will tell.

    PS: be very cautious with what you do, in the beginning of our relationship the family hesitated letting me even buy dinner for them, now they aer a bottomless drain.

    I hope our marriage wont fail, but at this point i am prepared to risk everything to have my wife choose, her filipino relatives or her husband.

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